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  • Writer's pictureKia

Build-a-Bear? No! Lets Build a Man...

What kind of person attracts you?

This week's challenge topic was actually briefly touched on last week. Since we've already tip-toed into this pool, why not just dive in. (Singing Trey Songz in my head) So, as you can see, the challenge for today is what type of guy I'm attracted to. After trying to pinpoint one specific person to describe as my ideal mate, I discovered that there is no such thing. Why can't I just take the parts from different guys and create him myself? Sort of like Build-a-Bear. Let's Build-a-Man? lol

Whatta Man, Whatta Man, What a Mighty Good Man

First things first, whoever this created specimen is has to be God-fearing. Although my godmother believes I would make a great First Lady, being a pastor is NOT a requirement for him to be my husband. In fact, I don't know if I could handle having that title anyway. But I do need him to have a good relationship with the Lord and be able to pray with and for me. Some things are non-negotiable. That is one of them.

Intelligence is another non-negotiable... I can't deal with ignorant and idiotic individuals in any capacity, so I know I definitely don't want you in my house... in my bed. That's gonna be a NO DAWG! Besides, intelligence is sexy. Oh, and don't be arrogant about it either. I want someone who not only can teach me new things, but isn't too high on his own shoulders for me to teach him as well. And I don't like know-it-alls either. He also has to be hardworking. Laziness is not attractive AT ALL. And slothfulness is a sin. Furthermore, I personally did not bust my behind to get to where I am (or where I'm trying to go for that matter) to take care of an able-bodied, grown ass man like he's my child. My husband is supposed to be able to exemplify the qualities of a priest, provider, and protector in our home AKA a Kingdom Man.

Wishing on a star...

Now, the rest of the things I wish and have prayed for may seem superficial and laughable to some people. I often joke and cackle about them with my friends as well. However, I was always told to write it down and make it plain. So, there is no mistake that the Lord knows what I want. And now you are all witness to it. lol

If someone were to ask one of the people I speak to on the regular what type of guys Kia likes, the first thing they would blurt out is that I want a tree. I've said it several times that I want someone who's taller than my tallest best friend, so he needs to be 6'2" or better. I'm not into nature, but I don't mind climbing. I'm just saying. But for some reason, the ones that are 2 inches taller than me seem more abundant than what I desire. I'm not saying they don't deserve a good woman too. But, I want my future children to have a chance at having some height on them. Both of my parents are short. There was no hope for me. And I love being short. I just don't want HIM to be. I'm not gonna lie though. The guy that was never far removed from my mind... or my heart, for a long time isn't even the average male height. I know I can't say emphatically that I'm going to be with a tall person. But that is something I'm attracted to. So, by way of answering the challenge topic, tree for the win!

Another physical attribute that has always been favorite of mine... I love red men. Red, light-skinned, "light, bright, damn near white" as some people say. That's what I like. (Shrug) I think I can count on one hand and still have fingers left over on how many chocolate drops have been on my list of beautiful men. Probably about as many as white and Asian guys too. It's just something about that caramel and butterscotch. Yes, I am using edible descriptions. I love food. So, why can't I compare the man I want to something I love?

I also joke around about wanting my husband to be able pick me up without a struggle. I'm not a lightweight girl. So, I need him to be built and strong... Kind of like Megan Thee Stallion's bodyguard. I like them muscular without overdoing it. I know, I know. I've heard more than once that looking at a particular body type may be cutting my hand short or blocking the guy that's meant for me. But, I can't help it. I'm not attracted to skinny or overweight guys. I have enough of a gut on my own and I don't want it on me. I'm just not into two bellies bumping together. But thin men... Naw! Give me the meat, not the bones. (If you like it, I'm not knocking what you like. This is just the preference for me)

Some other physical characteristics I look for:

  1. Beautiful smile with straight white teeth. (And I'm gonna need you to not have horrible smelling breath too, sir) Your teeth are an important part of your health. Why do you think they have their own plan when it comes to your health benefits package at jobs?

  2. Oh, there is something about a well-built man with tattoos on his arms. I don't know why I love them so much, but OMG. On some of the dating apps I've tried out, I actually looked to see if the guys had arm tatts. (Don't judge me! lol) They aren't mandatory, but I love to see it.

  3. As far as hair goes... I like 'em dreaded, if they're neat with it. If not, low cut or bald. Back in grade school, I was into the braids. But as a grown woman, I leave those in my grade school days. I'm not completely anal about this one though. I just need it to be neatly maintained. Same goes for having facial hair. I'm all for him having a mustache or beard, but grooming is everything.

What do you bring to the table?

So, potential husband, what are your talents outside the bedroom? (Hopefully, there are GREAT talents there too... I'm just saying)

I love music. If he can sing or play an instrument, bonus points. My favorite musical instruments are piano and saxophone. Those are the two sexiest instruments I've ever heard played. I even have them tattooed on because of my love for them. But really, if he's artistic in other ways, it would be cool too. A painter, drawing, graphic design, sculpting, woodwork, etc. I like a man who's good with his hands.

Speaking of being good with his hands... If my man can cook!!!!!!! OMG, yes Lord! My mother taught me how to cook when I was very young. I did the majority of the cooking my last two year of high school and I got over it, very quickly. So, I would love to have someone doing most of the cooking for me. He can be the chef. I'll be his sous chef. I'm not saying I won't cook at all. Because I have my moments when I feel like getting in there and putting in the work too. That just doesn't happen often. But I'm all for collaborating.

And finally, PERSONALITY. As a sarcastic shit-talker (for some reason, it's also my method of flirting and I don't know why), I don't have any objection to having someone that is just as good (or bad) with it as I am. But there's also a time and place for it. Know when to turn it off and be passionate, caring, and sensitive with me. I don't like crybabies either. There is nothing wrong with a man who is not ashamed to cry in front of others. I just don't know if I could deal with someone who whines about everything, especially if he doesn't get his way. We're grown. Now, if you have anger issues, take ten million times infinity steps in the other direction. If you do have those problems and not willing to correct it, I really don't need that kind of negativity in my life. And there is a difference between getting angry and having anger issues, in my opinion. I'm a Cancer. I'm very emotional and anger is one of those emotions I know how to use very well. But I also know how to control what I do when I'm mad. From looking at other people's relationships, I don't think I have enough patience and training to deal with the abuse that comes from people who don't know how to properly deal with their anger. Whether it's mental, physical, or emotional abuse, it won't end well for either of us. So, it's best to just keep your distance.

Find Me a Man

Although I believe I'm the one that is supposed to be found in this relationship, Toni Braxton's "Find Me a Man" almost sums up my sentiments on what I want with my mate. I'm sure there are small details that I did not highlight in this post about what I'd like. However, the major points were made for sure. Someone may think I'm being too picky on what I want but I want what I want. Not necessarily sure if that's what's meant for me to have in the long run. I just know that there is an idea of what I want in my life. And who knows, things change. I might have a change of heart on those desires one day. I used to say I didn't want to be with someone who already had kids. But the older I get, the more I realize that the pickings are getting smaller and smaller with that one. So, I revised my stand on that. I just don't want to deal with any baby mama drama.

*And this blog post in not my attempt to find a man either. I was simply discussing the challenge topic for the week. But if the RIGHT ONE is out there and reads my rants and raves without my prompting, I can't help that one. But I will not object either. lol

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